'Orangeboy' by Patrice Lawrence

*This review will contain spoilers!*

'I laughed. "How many brain surgeons do you know from Hackney?"

She poked my back. "There may be some. Or you could be the first. You could really do that, Marlon." 

'Man, I couldn't stop looking at her. When I closed my eyes, I still saw her. Her hair was thick and blonde, and a curl looped over her ear to her shoulder. She wore black mascara and green eyeliner and her lips looked skin and sticky. 

Sonya Wilson was right there next to me and it made my brain buzz.'

Being on his first date with the most popular girl in school wasn't the only thing making Marlon Isaac Asimov Sunday's brain buzz - the quarter of an ecstasy tablet she'd given him was having an effect, too.

When Sonya, the gorgeous new girl, asks Marlon on a date, he can't believe his luck. After all of the trouble with his brother Andre, Marlon's been keeping his head down and focusing on his studies: he's not one of the tough kids leading the school. But it's paid off, and now he has a girl like Sonya on his arm.

They visit the local funfair, where Sonya offers him the ecstasy. He knows all of the cool kids would accept her offer, so he agrees - she's taking a quarter too, so it's not like he's doing it by himself - and they go on a couple of rides. Marlon spots some kids hassling Sonya, but when he asks her about it she dismisses him and pulls him towards the ghost train. 

Sonya doesn't make it to the other side of the ride. When they get to the other side, Marlon notices that she's not breathing: she died during their journey. 

Marlon finds it hard to cope with her death. Minutes earlier he'd been imagining their future together

'If we have kids together, what will their hair look like?

Kids? I haven't even kissed her yet.' 

and now Sonya is dead and Marlon's getting quizzed by the police, because she asked him to look after her stash of ecstasy pills for her before they boarded the train. 

The police aren't surprised to see another Sunday boy in their station. Andre - more commonly known as Booka - was heavily involved in the local gang scene until a car accident which left him brain damaged and his best friend dead. Marlon protests his innocence, but the police were certain he was guilty the second they discovered he was Andre's brother.

Marlon's mother is distraught. She doesn't want to be going through this with another son, so as soon as they get home she tells him to keep his act straight and to pretend he never met Sonya. He's haunted by her - the swish of her hair, her scent, the mustard-coated hotdog that was her last meal - and he can't believe she might have died because of the ecstasy: that he could have died, too, if he'd been unlucky.

Marlon feels as though his guilt will evaporate if he meets Sonya's grandmother, her primary carer. That way he can apologise for his involvement and try to explain the situation, so they won't think he was only with her to force her to take drugs.

Sonya's grandmother already knew about Sonya's involvement in drugs, so she isn't surprised by what Marlon tells her. She gives him Sonya's Blackberry - a different phone than the one Marlon knew she had - and by doing so sends his life spiraling out of control as he gets thrown in the deep end. 

Marlon's right in the middle of a war Andre started, and he's going to have to finish it for him.

I found this book quite slow, and it became a chore to get through. It's such a shame, because I was excited about this debut long before it hit the shelves... I didn't read it at the best time and that's my fault, not Patrice's! 

That being said, I'm glad working class YA is becoming more prominent, especially as it's not being used as 'poverty porn'. Marlon's mum works in a library and has a well-off boyfriend, they have a lovely house: Andre's involvement in the gangs didn't happen because of desperation. It was a lifestyle choice. 

After reading 'Liccle Bit' by Alex Wheatle a couple of weeks ago, I said I loved the way that he compared the relationship between gang members and family members, and how the two are so closely linked. Patrice Lawrence also plays with this idea: D-Ice, who targets Marlon, is the brother of Tayz, the man who ran Andre off the road. D-Ice feels a misguided loyalty to his brother and resolves to tear Marlon's family apart - it's a harrowing look at the way grief affects your sense, and how revenge is never the answer. 

I particularly appreciated the inclusion of Andre's brain injury, which is extremely effective. We're told he used to be top dog, the man everyone bowed down to, the kind who had a gun just in case. But because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt when he crashed, he now struggles with his memory and has episodes of uncontrollable rage, which is why he's confined to a care home. To see the contrast between who we're told he was and how he is now is heartbreaking, and hammers home the importance of road safety - it's not done in a preachy way, but it's not often that authors draw your attention to the character buckling their seatbelt, and it's a small but effective way of reminding readers to do the same. 

However, I struggled with 'Orangeboy' because it felt unfinished. The ending was extremely rushed, and because the pacing throughout the first three quarters was so slow the sudden increase in speed gave me whiplash and had me rereading the page after every other paragraph. Some things remained unexplored and unexplained, which was frustrating: this would have been a far more effective standalone if everything had been wrapped up towards the conclusion, but I still have a lot of questions that haven't been answered. 

Overall, this is an effective and interesting debut, but based off of the rave reviews I've seen I was expecting a little bit more. 

It's probably my fault that I didn't like this book as much as I was expecting to. I tried to speed read it in time for the #SundayYA book club chat last month (because I'd been slacking off even though I knew I had to read it) and that made me begrudging towards it. 

Here's a lesson, kids: don't force yourself to read something you don't want to. 

I really like Patrice's voice and the fact that she had no qualms about focusing on a very harrowing topic. I definitely like this more for reading it quite close to Alex Wheatle's Crongton series: despite the fact that series has a far more humorous tone, the unwilling involvement in gang war is a compelling narrative. 

I'm looking forward to reading more from Patrice in the future (and hopefully giving this one a reread when I'm in a better place!). 

'The Yellow Room' by Jess Vallance

*This review will contain spoilers!*

'It's about half seven on Tuesday morning and it's freezing in my bedroom so I'm doing my usual trick of gathering all of my uniform together in one quick sweep, dragging it into bed with me and getting dressed completely under the duvet.'

I think everyone's going to relate to this first sentence: no one likes getting out of bed when it's cold!

Anna is on her way to school when the postman gives her a letter that changes her life. It's from a woman called Edie Southwood, and she's writing to inform Anna that her absent father is dead.

Edie, her father's long-term girlfriend, is utterly distraught by his passing. She asks Anna if they can meet, and against the wishes of her best friends George and Sienna, Anna agrees. If meeting her will help this woman's guilt, it's the least she can do.

Edie brings Anna a necklace that her father wanted her to have, and Anna wastes no time before asking about her father: it's too late to meet him, but it's not too late to get to know him. 

After a few hours in the cafe, Anna quickly comes to the realisation that she actually likes Edie. Her mother is a university professor who has no time for her: even though Edie is naive and innocent, her friendship is the closest Anna has to a parental bond. After a few trips to the seaside Edie decides she's going to relocate there and starts looking for flats, and Anna's happy to help. She's just grateful that her father's death didn't ruin Edie's chance for happiness.

But Anna's mother isn't the only problem in her life. She's being blackmailed by Leon Jakes-Field, a boy who goes to her school, because he saw her push a child she was babysitting (in self-defence, nonetheless). Leon thinks he's hot shit because his mum is a best-selling author, and he's certain he's going to follow in her footsteps. Anna hates him, but she can't let him know that or he'll send her life crashing down around her.

Anna confides in Evie, and the shared knowledge of her secret brings them closer together. She can't tell George or Sienna about Leon or the fact that she's still seeing Evie, and the secrets drive a wedge between their little trio. 

Then Anna gets a phone call, and it seems her dad might not be dead after all. So who is Edie Southwood, and why did she lie?

This is the YA answer to 'The Collector' by John Fowles. As that's one of my favourite classics of all time, you'd be betting correctly if you said I bloody loved this book.

It's psychological as shit. 

First of all you've got the blackmail from Leon, an intensely creepy asshole who manipulates Anna and gets so uncomfortably far into her personal space that you'll find yourself cringing in response while you read. 

Then you've got the relationship between Anna and her mother, which is a fascinating but heartbreakingly realistic depiction of a parent/child relationship. Not every family unit is a happy one, and that's not often represented in YA - often teenage characters have parents that they can turn to, confide in and rely on, but in real life that isn't always the case. 

Last but not least there's Edie, who tries to do everything right but goes about it in completely the wrong way. Edie genuinely thinks she's helping Anna - a fact which makes her barricading her in her spare room all the harder to understand. It's utterly chilling to read, even if it does feel a little rushed: it wouldn't have been good if there had been gratuitous, unnecessary scenes of Anna trapped in the yellow room, but it would have added to the significance of the setting that gives us our title. 

The only reason I didn't give this book five stars is because Anna never has to deal with her problems herself. Edie talks to Leon's mum and she deals with her son, forcing him to delete his so-called 'evidence' before shipping him off to Africa to work for his uncle. Anna's relationship with her mother is only changed when she saves her from Edie's yellow room, and Anna doesn't have to plot her escape because her parents and the police turn up to save the day. On the one hand, it's realistic - not many 16-year-olds have to deal with their problems entirely independently - but it's disappointing. 

That being said, I was so happy with how Jess finished the story. Edie gets the help that she needs and Anna isn't angry with her, which was a relief: sometimes people act out of character because of mental illness, and you can't hold what they do against them. Anna and her mother decide they're going to work on their problems, while Anna's dad leaves town again - it's not a straightforward happily ever after, because life rarely is! Being someone who only has one parent, I was worried that Anna's dad was going to rock up and be seen as the knight in shining armour: I could have cheered with happiness when Anna and her mum teamed up to show him they didn't think he was their saviour. 

This is an entirely satisfying standalone. 

I wish I'd read this book earlier. I'm definitely going to give Jess Vallance's debut novel, 'Birdy', a try: not many young adult authors are attempting to write contemporary psychological dramas, so this book was a refreshing change from the status quo. 

'Margot & Me' by Juno Dawson

*This review will contain spoilers!*

"Over time, we teach ourselves to stop feeling. It's the only way we survive." She taps her breastbone with her index finger. "It all becomes scar tissue and gristle. It's such a shame. So just let yourself feel it, truthfully and wholly, because one day you won't any more."

"But I don't want to feel like this. It really hurts." My voice crackles.

"It's better than nothing at all. Believe you me."

"The problem with young people today," Margot said about an hour ago, "is that, from birth, every single one has been told that they are somehow special."

Well, you can't argue with that assertion. Margot's not a fan of special snowflake syndrome.

Fliss and her mum have gone to live in Wales with her grandmother, Margot, for six months, while Janet recovers from ovarian cancer. Fliss is unimpressed: she misses her friends and her sort-of-boyfriend Xander, and she's not a fan of the dirty farm or the aloof and unemotional Margot.
Things change when Fliss finds Margot's diary in a dusty old chest in the attic. Fliss loves sixteen-year-old Margot, and can't wait to see how her story got her to where she is today: she was in love with a man who wasn't Fliss's grandfather, and Fliss can't understand how their seemingly perfect relationship could have failed.

One thing severely hampered my enjoyment of this novel: it was riddled with errors. I always try to refrain from judging books too harshly for mistakes, but that's because I'm normally reading advance reader's copies and those aren't final. This one was.
I've left it a few days to write this review, because I felt very conflicted. I enjoyed the letters that told Margot's story, but Fliss didn't really have her own plot. Everything that happened to her was because of other people: she had a crush on the school librarian which she only got past when he rejected her; she only matured because of her mother's illness; her respect for Margot only developed because she discovered her diary. I can't think of one aspect of her character that she developed herself.
I was only interested in Margot's diary, and at multiple points I actually considered jumping to the next one. Fliss's reaction didn't add anything to the story for me, and it explains why this novel is so much longer than Juno's previous releases: there was lots of unnecessary waffle. If I hadn't been looking after my friend's cat with no access to the internet, it would have taken me a lot longer to crawl through this book. Similarly, if this story had just focused on Margot and being an evacuated teenager, it would have been five stars. Juno really brings the era to life, and the tense atmosphere of a country at war is beautifully crafted.
But as soon as it gets to the present plot, everything falls apart. I couldn't understand why it was set in the late 90's. It didn't add anything to the plot, and the stereotypical references got old very fast. I can only imagine this was chosen to allow Fliss to be the same age as Margot in her diary entries, but that's a shallow reason. It doesn't feel as though Juno had any love for the decade, because at multiple points it feels like it could be set today - it's not authentic.
So many aspects don't make sense looking back. What was the point in Peanut the piglet? Yes, he caused more conflict between Margot and Fliss, but then he just disappeared into the background. What was the point of that weird chapter where Fliss did her make-up and then smashed her lipstick in the mirror? I didn't sit comfortably with any other part of the story and it was another thing that did nothing to the plot. That's why the synopsis I've written above is so short - no other aspect of the story seems relevant enough to mention.
This book was just a mess. On top of everything else, it's forgettable: I've been reading back through my notes, and while I felt all warm and fuzzy at the time and was certain that it deserved a high rating, I have no way of justifying that anymore. This is another reason I've been putting off this review, because I hoped that my love for it would come back... I'm just confused about how my feelings have changed so quickly. It might have been because I loved 'All of the Above' and just assumed I was going to love this one too, but that's another reason I held off on reviewing it.

It's not Juno's fault that the copy edit wasn't up to scratch, and if I'd been reviewing this as an ARC I might have been able to overlook it, but as a finished edition I couldn't let it go. If that had been the only problem, it wouldn't have had too much of an impact on my enjoyment, but unfortunately there was far more bad than good in this book. 

I decided to give it a four star rating as soon as I finished it - it's very emotional, and my knee-jerk reaction was that it was almost perfect. 

Sadly, with a couple of days of reflection I've had to drop it down to two stars: I see hardly any positive aspects in hindsight. Disappointing, but necessary. I can't award a book a high rating just because I really loved the author's previous work.

GUEST POST: Kelley York and Rowan Altwood (+ review of 'Other Breakable Things')

Welcome to my post on the 'Other Breakable Things' blog tour! I'm stoked to welcome Kelley and Rowan to the blog today, and need to say a huge thank you to both Entangled Teen and Chapter by Chapter Blog Tours for allowing me to be involved.
Before you hear from the writing duo, I've written my review to get you even more excited to read this novel...

According to Japanese legend, folding a thousand paper cranes will grant you healing.

Evelyn Abel will fold two thousand if it will bring Luc back to her. 

Luc Argent has always been intimately acquainted with death. After a car crash got him a second chance at life - via someone else's transplanted heart - he tried to embrace it. He truly did. But he always knew death could be right around the corner again. 

And now it is. 

Sick of hospitals and tired of transplants, Luc is ready to let his failing heart give out, ready to give up. A road trip to Oregon - where death with dignity is legal - is his answer. But along for the ride is his best friend, Evelyn. 

And she's not giving up so easily. 

A thousand miles, a handful of roadside attractions, and one life-altering kiss later, Evelyn's fallen, and Luc's heart is full. But is it enough to save him? Evelyn's betting her heart, her life, that it can be.

Right down to the thousandth paper crane. 

'The rain is coming down in sheets. It has reduced visibility by 50 percent, but damn if it doesn't make for great mood lighting for two people driving down the freeway near midnight with only the glow of the dashboard for company.' 

An appropriately romantic opener, the prologue jumps us to the end of Luc and Evelyn's road trip. Things don't stay this rosy for long, putting you on the edge of your seat throughout the entire novel as you wait to reach this point.

Three years ago, Evelyn Abel had to move to Arizona with her mom and her new boyfriend, Robert. Her mom's relationships normally lasted a couple of months, so three years was a personal best for her, but now they've split up and they're moving back in with Evelyn's grandmother.
Evelyn is nervous to be back. The first thing she does is drive to the home of her childhood best friend - and almost sweetheart - Luc Argent, leaving an origami paper crane on his doorstep. Luc's been unresponsive to her emails, so she's putting the ball in his court: if he wants to see her, he knows where she is.
Luc sees the crane, and can't stop himself for rushing straight to Evelyn's grandmother's house. He's been trying to keep her at arm's length because the week after she left town he had a heart transplant, and the replacement is beginning to fail him. He doesn't want to go through another transplant so he knows he's going to die, and he didn't want to hurt Evelyn by getting close to her but he can't resist the chance to reconnect.
Tensions are high between the pair, because they're both keeping secrets. Evelyn knows Luc's hiding something, and he's not willing to confide in her because he doesn't want to see the pity in her eyes. Evelyn is the only person who treats him like he's not fragile, and it's one of the many things he loves about her.
But when Evelyn's mom and Robert reconcile, Evelyn shares her pain with Luc: Robert was acting inappropriately towards her, and while he didn't physically touch her she's never going to feel comfortable living with him again. She can't tell her mom

"She doesn't need me to be happy. She needs a relationship. When she isn't in love, she's miserable all the time. That's how it's always been. And that's okay, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm second place in her life, but I guess I couldn't stand the possibility of hearing her say that she didn't believe me because Robert was more important to her." 

but she can't go back to Arizona, and she can't think of a way to get out of it.
Luc can. He's been researching the Death With Dignity act, which is legal in Oregon. He'd been planning to travel up there and not return, and while taking Evelyn with him fills him with guilt he has to protect her, and it's the only way he knows how.
Luc's in no rush to meet the end of his life, so he's picked a bunch of tourist locations on the way for them to explore. But as the two of them get closer and the miles stretch behind them, Evelyn uncovers the truth: about Luc's original operation, the rejection, and his interest in euthanasia. Will she support him, or will Evelyn be unable to let the love of her life go?

Luc and Evelyn put the slow in slow burn romance. I'm not a fan of relationships in novels that move this slowly, but I know that aspect will appeal to a lot of people! The 'life-altering kiss' doesn't happen until halfway through the book, and I could feel myself getting bored: there's no point in having a will they won't they relationship if the outcome blatantly spoilered in the synopsis.
As soon as their relationship starts, it gets serious very quickly. Luc proposes to Evelyn and they get married, giving him the peace of mind that she'll be cared for after he dies because she'll get his insurance money.
Evelyn can't bring herself to do anything sexual because it makes her think of Robert, but the second they're married all of her misgivings go out the door. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean you have to have sex. Yes, the tradition calls for you to lose your virginity on your wedding night, but it's not a rule that's set in stone! It would have been better if they'd had a conversation before Luc suggested showering together - just because he assumed it was going to happen, doesn't mean it actually had to!
While I didn't adore the relationship, I really enjoyed the rest of 'Other Breakable Things' (even though it tore my heart out at times). The tourist attractions were brought to life and made me feel as though I'd experienced them myself - particularly the Winchester Mystery House, a place I've always wanted to visit! All of the stops on the trip filled me with an uncontrollable sense of wanderlust, and I don't think it's going to go away any time soon.
The family relationships were also brilliantly explored. The contrast between Luc's smothering parents and Evelyn's self-absorbed mother, the way that their actions caused their children to behave... It's been a long time since I've seen intricate family situations handled delicately and honestly, I just wish we'd been able to see more of the parents before they embarked on their road trip!
The best thing about 'Other Breakable Things' was the way Kelley and Rowan handled illness, which is painfully realistic. They definitely don't make it romantic, showing the harrowing effects that imminent death has on your body. They also show the stress and strain that the relationship experiences without making it over-dramatic. There's no blaming each other or lashing out without reason; all of their arguments and disagreements are because they want the best for each other but they just don't know how to go about it.
You'll have to read for yourself to discover whether Luc decides to go through with his decision to die with dignity, but reading this will make you appreciate your life and your health much more than you already do. I want to make the most of the time I have. I want to see the world and do crazy things (but maybe not as crazy as sleeping in an abandoned army barracks!).

I didn't love the love, but this book has given me a newfound appreciation for life. Make sure you keep the tissues close at hand, because it is a tear-jerker; even the happy bits had me bawling my eyes out!

Because the road trip that Grace and Gabe take is such an integral part of the book, I asked Kelley and Rowan if they could tell me what their ideal road trip would look like: where they'd want to go, and what music they'd want to listen to on the way...

Kelley: I've never gotten to travel much, unfortunately, so there are thousands of places I want to visit. Among my top three, however, are Japan (especially during the winter! The snow there looks so beautiful), Ireland, and the Pacific coast. For someone who grew up in California, there's so much of it I haven't seen. I'm hoping within the next few years, Rowan and I can take a nice, long road trip and hit up places like Disneyland, Monterey, San Jose (Winchester Mystery House, like in the book!), Mare Island, Point Reyes National Seashore (one of our favorite places), Muir Woods, all the way up into Oregon and Washington.

Anytime Rowan and I go on a trip, we have to compromise on music, usually trading off. I prefer a lot of instrumental stuff, like Thomas Bergersun and E.S. Posthumus. Though during our anniversary trip to Point Reyes back in November, I think we listened to a lot of Coldplay and that made me happy. 

Rowan: Haunted road trip! I love abandoned places especially if they're said to be haunted. If I could do a cross-country vacation where we visited places like Waverly Hills and other hospitals, graveyards, and asylums, I'd be happy. For music, I'd load up my iPod with dramatic 70's rock.

Author info:

Kelley York and Rowan Altwood are a wife and wife writing team living in central California with their daughter and way too many cats. Kelley is the author of 'Hushed', 'Made of Stars' and 'Modern Monsters', and 'Other Breakable Things' is Rowan's debut. 

Once again, I'd like to thank Kelley and Rowan for visiting my blog. It's been a pleasure to have them, and I really enjoyed 'Other Breakable Things' (even though it did bring a tear to my eye!).

If you're interested in reading some of the other posts from this blog tour, view the full schedule and visit some of the other hosts. If you'd like to read 'Other Breakable Things', you can purchase a copy here.

'The State of Grace' by Rachael Lucas - SPOILER FREE REVIEW

First things first, I need to say a huge thank you to Macmillan Children's Books for accepting my request to view this book via NetGalley, and to NetGalley for the service that they provide.

'I need to be quiet, somewhere, and just let myself settle, like a snow globe. But it's hard to make people understand that.' 

'Being a human is a complicated game - like seeing a ghost in the mirror and trying to echo everything they do.' 

This opening line is so easy to relate to, but Grace is actually playing the game on a higher difficulty setting to most of us: she has Asperger's, which can make interacting with other people a daily struggle.

There's a lot happening in Grace's life.
Her dad is a wildlife photographer who has flown off to shoot polar bears, and her mum is struggling without him. Eve, an old friend from her university days, arrives on the scene and automatically starts meddling: she doesn't think that Grace and her thirteen-year-old sister Leah should rely on their mum as much as they do and encourages her to start living for herself rather than her daughters. The house falls into disarray as their mum starts spending all of her time with Eve, reliving her youth and neglecting her grown-up responsibilities.
Leah's got a new best friend, buddying up with the little sister of Grace's arch nemesis, Holly. Grace can't understand why Leah stopped hanging out with her old best friend, and her sister doesn't want to talk to her about it.
Then there's Gabe - the new kid at school with a bad boy reputation - who kissed Grace at a party during a game of spin the bottle, and may (or may not) be her boyfriend now. Being a teenage girl is hard, and Grace's Asperger's makes everything tougher.
Grace struggles to adapt to the new normal, because she hates change so much. All she wants is a guide to help her deal with everything going on, but because no one's offering her one it looks as though Grace is going to have to try to fix everything by herself.

I enjoyed reading 'The State of Grace' so much that I want to disregard the things I didn't like about it, and not many books make me feel like that!
I love this book, because I think it's going to do good things for a lot of people. Autism is not common in YA, which adds to the assumption that's it's "not normal". In reality, over 700,000 people in the UK are on the autistic spectrum, which boils down to about 1 in 100 people. It's not the norm, but it's not actually that rare, which means it should be easier for people who are on the spectrum to find themselves in novels. Reading about things is a great way to learn and to breed acceptance, so more autistic characters would improve the way the general population act towards autistic people: rather than seeing them as troublemakers, it would be easier to accept the fact that they're just different, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
'The State of Grace' is an #OwnVoices novel, because Rachael Lucas has Asperger's. She directly tackles the comments and incorrect assumptions made towards autistic people

'"What's it actually like?"

I think for a moment, because people don't actually ask that very often. They tell me what they think I feel because they've read it in books, or they say incredible things like "autistic people have no sense of humour or imagination or empathy" when I'm standing right there beside them (and one day I'm going to point out that is more than a little bit rude, not to mention Not Even True) or they - even worse - talk to me like I'm about five and can't understand.' 

and because I have a few autistic friends and I've seen people treat them like that in the past, it made me both angry and extremely sad. People don't deserve to be treated like that.
I didn't realise this was an #OwnVoices novel until I started reading it, when it became obvious. Grace's autism is handled with care, and the way she describes experiencing the world

"It's like living with all of your senses turned up to full volume all the time [...] and it's like living life in a different language, so you can't ever quite relax because even when you think you're fluent it's still using a different part of your brain so by the end of the day you're exhausted."

is similar to the way my friends have described it to me in the past. It's a very personal way of explaining it, and Rachael has laid her soul bare by being so open and honest about the way that she feels.
The only other time I've encountered autism in writing for young people was 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time', which is vastly different to 'The State of Grace': as well as being a far more stereotypical representation of autism, it's for children so doesn't feature an autistic person navigating their first relationship. 'The State of Grace' is unique is that respect: rather than having Grace dealing with her Asperger's and making that the entire plot, it's just one part of her. Grace isn't her Asperger's, she's far more than that. She's bold, she's caring, she's funny

"You don't look autistic."

"And you don't look ignorant. And yet here we are."

and I warn you now, DON'T read this book while a) walking down the road or b) riding on public transport, because you will cackle so loudly at multiple points that you'll scare away pigeons, get funny looks from the people driving past you and make children cry. I don't think I've ever laughed so often while reading.
It's also a really reassuring read for teenage girls who don't have autism. Grace is so relatable, particularly when panicking about Gabe and worrying about how to define their relationship and whether she's blown it or not by saying the wrong thing... It's something we all experience at some point in our lives, and it just shows that people are people: we all worry about the same things, even if we have other stuff going on in our personal lives!
However, this book wasn't perfect. I almost (almost) dropped it down to three stars, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
My main problem is that Gabe is a bit one-dimensional. He mentions the fact that he takes ADHD medication and got in trouble before he was diagnosed, but there was more potential for exploration of that topic.
It almost reminded me of 'A Quiet Kind of Thunder' by Sara Barnard: the relationship in that novel is so successful because Steffi and Rhys (a mute girl and a deaf boy) learn to work past their individual difficulties and communicate and work together. All I wanted was for Grace and Gabe to communicate with each other, discussing how their individual diagnoses would impact their relationship and how they would work through problems. Instead it felt as though they were both burying their heads in the sand, which made it impossible to care about their relationship.
It wouldn't have been so much of a problem, but the relationship was a huge part of the novel. There were a lot of different plots going on, but Gabe and Grace was one of the bigger aspects, so the fact that it wasn't satisfying greatly detracted from the overall effectiveness of the story.
But as I've already said, I loved this book despite the negative aspects. Rachael's writing is beautiful, Grace is a well-crafted character who is a great role model, and I loved the exploration of the family (particularly the fact that Grace's mum and dad had their own plot: not many parents get that in YA!). I wish it had been longer, because that would have probably resolved all of my quibbles anyway, and I'm already looking forward to Rachael's second novel (apparently called 'My Box Shaped Heart', and slated for release next February!).

This is a quick read that you'll be able to get through in one sitting, so there's no reason not to give it a try. It's always good to support #OwnVoices authors, particularly those who're writing about under-represented topics, and Rachael Lucas has done an amazing job writing a character that it's easy to relate to and learn from.

'Unconventional' by Maggie Harcourt

*This review will contain spoilers!*

'Funny things, words. Big words, small words; words that are bigger on the inside and packed tight with feeling. They can make us fall in love, and they can break our hearts and we're powerless against them.' 

'There is a very specific sensation, right in the pit of your stomach, that comes from realizing that because you sent that stupid confirmation email from your stupid phone on the stupid bus while you were thinking about the stupid history essay that was due yesterday, you put a hyphen in the wrong place... and now, instead of having a box of inflatable three-meter-high palm trees sitting on your doorstep, you have three boxes of inflatable meter-high palm trees.'

Tell me you don't have an instant image of Lexi in your mind, and you'll be lying.
This is such a powerful opener. The huge chunk of text written almost like a stream of consciousness shows you that Lexi's brain works a thousand miles a minute, and she still has time to make mistakes. She's only a teenager, not a professional assistant, no matter how much that fact seems to slip her father's mind!

Lexi is the daughter of Max Angelo - yes, THE Max Angelo, the one that's involved in planning the biggest conventions across the country! For Lexi, that means instead of spending her weekends worrying about her sixth form coursework, she's emailing the agents of famous authors and actors, arranging panels that can be fit into tight schedules, all while trying to keep her over-worked father calm.
Then Max announces that him and his fiancee, Bea, have set a date. Lexi can't believe it: the rule in the convention world is that nothing is happening until a date has been confirmed. She knew the wedding would happen eventually, but she didn't think it would be any time soon: she didn't think her dad telling her about their engagement was that serious.
This puts Lexi in a bad mood for the first convention of the season. It's great to be reunited with her best friends - she only gets to see Sam, Nadiya and Bede when they're working together, because they all live so far apart - but she takes out her frustrations on them. It's hardly like she can talk to her dad about it, especially not when he's so busy running the convention.
To make that first day worse, she finds a random guy in the green room. He doesn't have a guest pass and he can't even remember the name of his own agent, yet he has the sheer audacity to insult Lexi's clipboard. She's already in a foul mood, so kicks him out without a second thought.
She survives that first convention, but it's not time to have a break. The season is in full swing, so Lexi needs to make sure that all of the other conventions go off without a hitch. Her dad's wedding to Bea is looming, and it's not helping his stress levels - as well as needing to shout at people on the phone to make sure everything is in place for the convention, he needs to ensure his second special day will go perfectly.
Because Max is so busy, he doesn't have time to read all of the advanced copies that publishers send him in the weeks preceding an event. He passes one on to Lexi, certain that it's something she'll love: 'Piecekeepers', by Haydn Swift. She decides to give it a go, and it quickly becomes her favourite book, distracting her from everything that's going on and giving her a world to escape into.
So just imagine her dismay when she convinces her dad to invite the author along for a launch event at their next convention, and she discovers that he's the random interloper who insulted her clipboard. Awkward.

I adored this book.
I've only been to a couple of conventions, but this book perfectly encapsulated the atmosphere of them. The camaraderie, the non-stop busyness, the potential of spotting stars in the most unlikely places (hi, Melinda Salisbury!)... All are represented, and every page made me want to go to more conventions in the future. It definitely gave me more respect for the staff, too: I'd never considered how many problems they could be dealing with behind the scenes, and I've never been less envious of a career.
There was only one reason this wasn't a five star, and that was the lack of a conversation between Lexi and Bea.
Lexi doesn't have a close relationship with her soon to be stepmum. Bea doesn't live with them, and because she also travels to work at conventions - just professional, business ones - she's never around. Lexi's mum tells her how much Bea appreciates her, but it would have been nice to see them bonding. I can only think of one conversation they have in the entire book, which seems like a bit of an oversight when so much of the book revolves around Lexi's feelings towards her father's impending nuptials.
That being said, Lexi's interactions with her father were very realistic. He works her too hard, forgetting that she has schoolwork and other commitments to juggle. Lexi feels quite bitter about that, particularly because she feels as though her dad doesn't appreciate everything she sacrifices for him, but they actually talk and try to come to a resolution that both of them are happy with. It's nice to see a family using compromise.
I particularly loved the relationship between Aidan and Lexi. If you prefer a slow burn romance, this is the perfect story for you. Lexi starts off hating Aidan, and it's only after months of conventions - and many different methods of communication - that they fall for each other. It's a genuine portrayal of long distance relationships: the paranoia, the nerves, the yearning, but has a more positive spin than other stories I've read. You need to prepare to be frustrated, though: even though the conventions are all hosted in hotels and the sexual tension is through the roof, Lexi and Aidan's relationship is completely innocent. They have far more self-control than I would...
I was glad this aspect was also dealt with in Lexi and Sam's friendship. Their lack of face-to-face interactions doesn't make their best friendship any less significant when compared to those who see each other daily.
I hope Maggie decides to release 'Piecekeepers', because the excerpt that was included at the end of the story sounded amazing! It's a unique concept, and if Maggie doesn't write it I might have to do it myself. (Kidding! Seriously, just kidding...)

This is totally worth the read. If you're a geek or love any part of geek culture, you'll relate to this book; there are lots of very clever cameos written into the background, and the cosplays are so brilliantly described that you'll be in awe of them despite not being able to see them.
I haven't read Maggie Harcourt's debut novel, 'The Last Summer of Us', yet, but I MUST. Her writing is a delight, and I just cannot wait to read more from her. If I hadn't borrowed Anya's (An Awful Lot of Books) copy of this book, I'd be rereading it immediately.
This gives me a good excuse to break my book buying ban again, though...

'Lying About Last Summer' by Sue Wallman

*This review will contain spoilers!*

'When somebody dies, you view photos of them in a different way. You want a reminder of how they looked, but you also search for hidden truths in their eyes, answers to questions you can no longer ask them.'

'My sister doesn't use the word disappear but that's what she means.'

The tension is immediate, and knowing that this scene is set in the last summer that's referenced in the title just increases the adrenaline that instantly floods your veins.
It's impossible to put this book down once you've read the first page, and I eagerly devoured it in one sitting.

Last summer, Skye's sister Luisa was murdered. She'd been dealing drugs for her boyfriend, angering the local dealer in the process. A heated argument turned deadly when he shoved her and she hit her head on the side of the pool, falling unconscious and drowning.
The worst part? Skye was hiding in the pool house, frozen in fear, unable to save her sister.
It's now been a year since Luisa's death. Skye's parents send her to Morley Hill, a summer camp with a program to help grieving teenagers. She's surrounded by people her own age who have also experienced death, and rather than being inspirational the getaway just causes more problems for Skye.
For one thing, it's located less than an hour away from the house where Luisa died. Just smelling the country air brings back memories of her old life in the country, before her family left Yew Tree House and moved to London. The camp even sources the ingredients locally, meaning she has to use sauces supplied by the farm shop where she used to work - the place where Luisa's ex-boyfriend Toby is still employed. Then there's the pool where all of the campers can go to relax; water that she used to love swimming in, but can now hardly bring herself to look at...
That's all before someone starts texting her, pretending to be Luisa. She knows her sister isn't alive - she saw her body floating face down in the water - but a part of her still hopes. But when the messages start to get sinister Skye needs to work out who's behind them, before her own life is put in danger.

I read 'Lying About Last Summer' in preparation for the #SundayYA Twitter chat about Zoella's book club, but I'd been intending to read it since publication. Based off of the synopsis - the eerie messages arriving from her dead sister's account - I'd presumed it was going to be a fast-paced thriller, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was much more than that.
Primarily, 'Lying About Last Summer' is about loss. Of course there's the literal loss of Luisa and the subsequent loss of the family home when they relocate, but there's also the loss of innocence, self-confidence and identity. Skye doesn't know who she is without swimming, but she can't bring herself to get back in a pool because the scent of chlorine sends her reeling. Brandon, one of the other campers, has had to deal with the death of his brother and his parent's divorce, leaving him the only mixed-race member of his family when his mother gets remarried to a white man. He feels displaced in his own home, no longer sure of where he fits into the dynamic.
Blame also plays a big part in things. Skye blames herself for not being able to save Luisa, while Fay - Skye's roommate - blames herself for her father's death, because they were arguing and it caused him to crash his car.
It's not all doom and gloom, though. You might be thinking that a book about death would be depressing, but it's very uplifting and inspirational. Rather than wallowing in grief, we see each of the characters coming to terms with their situations in their own time, learning to live for those they've lost. This is why they're at an adventure camp: they can focus on the activities on offer to them, taking their mind off of their grief and showing them that life is still worth living.
In fact, the menacing messages are the least interesting thing about this story. Yes, they drive the plot and ratchet up the tension when Skye has no idea who she can trust, but even without them I would have loved this. I always adore non-chronological narratives, so jumping backwards and forwards to Yew Tree House - getting to know Luisa before she met Nico making her death even more emotional - kept me turning the pages. More than that, though, all of the characters are so strong. I wanted to know more about each of them: who they'd lost, how they were coping, what they were going to go on to do with their lives. I didn't figure out who was sending the messages, but the who wasn't the big question. I was much more interested in why someone would be pretending to be Skye's sister, and I found the answer to that mystery very satisfying.
Skye in particular was very realistic. No one knows how they'll act in a threatening situation until they're in it, and the way that she berates herself constantly for not being braver and trying to help her sister is very authentic. She struggles with the guilt and it makes her feel like a stranger to herself: she can't equate herself with the girl who hid and did nothing. It makes me wonder what I'd do in that situation. Could I put myself at risk to save someone I loved, or am I not that brave?
Joe, one of the other campers, is extremely manipulative towards Fay, and convinces her that she needs to commit suicide to restore the balance she upset by causing her father's death. The foreshadowing is not very subtle, so it's obvious that Joe's going to turn out to be the big bad - especially when you consider the fact that his previous girlfriend killed herself! But it's an interesting argument: if you cause someone's death, do you deserve to die? I think it's much harder - and braver - to continue living with that knowledge, but the idea of a huge unbalanced scale is a fascinating one. Skye ends up saving Fay, which restores her balance in itself: she failed to save her sister, but learns that she can act under pressure and save people - she's just learning it a little bit too late.
The only reason this book didn't get five stars is because it feels a little rushed. All of the characters get established and the ball gets rolling on the plot, and then Skye comments on the fact that there's only two days of camp left. I wanted more. It's only a small book, but I think it could have easily been one hundred pages longer and still held my attention. I don't often complain about books being too short, so that's a compliment in itself!

If you've ever lost someone close to you, you'll relate to this book. It's an honest portrayal of the grieving process: needing to come to terms with loss and being moving on with your life.
Of course, this book poses a lot of philosophical questions. Skye believes she's getting messages from her dead sister, which opens up discussions of the afterlife and signs from the other side, while Joe's conviction that Fay has a debt to pay makes you wonder if the theory of every action having an equal and opposite reaction is true. It's one that's going to stay with me for a long time.
I read this book really quickly, within a couple of hours, and I already want to pick it up again and look for the things that I missed in the background. For a debut novel, it's astounding.
Sue's second novel, 'See How They Lie', is being released in March, and I'm definitely going to be reading it as soon as it comes out.

'Finding Audrey' by Sophie Kinsella

*This review will contain spoilers!*

'You still want to know, don't you? You're still curious. I mean, I don't blame you. 

Here's the thing: does it matter exactly why those girls were excluded? It's irrelevant. It happened. Done. Over. I'd rather not go into it.'

'OMG, Mum's gone insane. Not normal Mum-insane. Serious insane.'

This made me physically recoil. A book about a character suffering with social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and depressive episode throwing the word 'insane' around without hesitation? That doesn't seem right to me.

Fourteen-year-old Audrey Turner hasn't been back to school since an unspecified incident including bullying and anxiety. She now stays at home reading all day, keeping herself to herself in her darkroom den and dreading starting at a new school in September. 

Audrey's mother is not impressed that her brother Frank (yep, Frank Turner...) is obsessed with video games. He constantly plays a MMORPG called 'League of Conquerors', certain that his team will be able to win the six-million-dollar prize offered at a tournament in America. She cajoles him and threatens him to use the computer less, but after she catches him playing in the middle of the night she throws his computer out of the window.

This wouldn't affect Audrey too much - in fact, Frank's behaviour takes their parent's attention away from her - if it wasn't for the fact that Frank's LOC teammate, Linus, won't be coming to hang out at their house anymore. Linus is cute and, despite the fact that she runs away when she first meets him, he's patient and kind to her. 

Audrey has been struggling with her anxiety for months, but things start looking up when Linus is around. He challenges her to meet him at Starbucks, something her counsellor has been suggesting she try for a while, and she rises to the occasion and manages it. When they eventually start a relationship, she's over the moon.

But with Audrey so obsessed with getting better and being normal, will her and Linus last or will the pressure be too much?

'Finding Audrey' puts the 'young' in young adult. From the opening sentence with that 'OMG' exclamation through to Audrey's constant exaggerations (in May she says she's been suffering with her anxiety "forever", to which her therapist replies she's been seeing her since March...) I was rolling my eyes regularly throughout this novel. It's melodramatic.
This takes away from the impact on the anxiety. Audrey is such an over-the-top character throughout, so her spiralling anxious thoughts don't stand out from her sassy internal monologue and it makes it hard to take anything seriously. Combine that with her mother's obsession with Frank's gaming, Audrey's much more relevant worries pushed to the background for a slapstick family drama to play out... This was a tongue-in-cheek approach to social anxiety, and I don't appreciate such a careless way of dealing with a serious subject.
Take Audrey's relationship with Linus. It's verging on instalove. She runs away from him when he first approaches her, then proceeds to film him and rewatch the footage, and think about him constantly. Despite the fact that she flees from their date at the coffee shop, he follows her home and they converse via notes through her letter box; the next time they meet on page they have their first kiss and she hardly flinches. Kissing is one of the most anxiety-inducing things in the world, and she manages to make-out with the boy she likes - multiple times - without the merest flutter of panic in her stomach. This isn't realistic.
If you can find me one social anxiety sufferer who can kiss someone without the sweaty palms, I'm-going-to-be-sick feeling, I'll be surprised.
I'm grateful that Linus doesn't fix her, because Audrey is shown going to therapy throughout the novel and she puts in a lot of effort challenging herself to step out of her comfort zone. She also has a relapse when she decides to stop her medication cold turkey, and I'm glad Sophie Kinsella bothered to show that it is not a good idea to do that. These are the only reasons I gave the book three stars instead of one; too many novels neglect to feature characters that take medication and still have therapy, and often medication as seen as an easy, independent fix.
That being said, the only reason she takes her glasses off is because she loses them. There's no big moment where she looks in the mirror and decides to face the world, she just doesn't realise they're missing until her dad points it out.
I was extremely unimpressed by this story. I don't appreciate books that hint towards a big bad event in the past and then won't deal with it; I feel as though it's a way of copping out when the author doesn't know what the catalyst could have been. I also had no idea what the whole video game subplot was about, or why every other chapter was written as a script... A whole mess of things happen in this novel, and not many of them were necessary.

If this had been around when I was younger, I would have loved it. I've always been an extremely anxious person, and being able to read a character who was less confident and struggled with eye contact and talking would have been revolutionary.
Now, I can see that this isn't a great representation. I'm not quite sure why Sophie Kinsella felt the need to randomly spread out into the YA world, but I sincerely hope she sticks to the adult fiction in the future.
If you want to read a good book about anxiety, you want to read 'A Quiet Kind of Thunder' by Sara Barnard. I can't recommend it enough. It's a much more worthwhile way to spend your time than reading 'Finding Audrey' would be.

'Run' by Kody Keplinger

*This review will contain spoilers!*

Bo: 'I'm waiting for the sirens.'

Agnes: 'Every small town has that family. You hear their last name and you just shake your head because you know the whole lot of them are trouble.'  

Because this is a dual narrative, it only seems right to look at the first sentences that we get from both characters.
I love the way both of them seem to confirm that Bo Dickinson and her family are trouble - it makes it that much more effective when those assumptions are proven incorrect.

The story starts with Bo, who turns up at Agnes's house in the middle of the night with only a small bag of possessions and Utah, her German Shepherd. Agnes has stolen the keys to her sister's car, and they're going on the run. Bo's mother has just been arrested and she's determined that she won't get put back in foster care, so she hopes that her she can find her father and he'll let her live with him.  Agnes thinks that they're leaving to find somewhere that they can live together, and Bo fails to correct her.

Agnes's chapters are retrospective, starting before her and Bo are friends. Everyone in Mursey knows the Dickinson's are trouble, and Agnes's best friend is never afraid to spread gossip about Bo and her slutty behaviour. But when Agnes gets lost in the woods behind their respective houses, unable to find her way home due to being legally blind, Bo doesn't think twice before helping her home. 

It's the start of a beautiful, turbulent, brief friendship.

Having heard the uproar regarding Voya's review last year, I expected this book to be much more risqué, and I was surprised that it contained virtually no explicit content. Agnes loses her virginity to Bo's cousin, but Bo remains a virgin despite all of the accusatory rumours surrounding her. She kisses the girl that she likes off the page, just recounting it to Agnes later, but doesn't go any further than that.
This leads me to pose the question: why was Bo's sexuality such a big deal? I'm extremely grateful that Kody Keplinger included her in the novel - being bisexual myself it's exhausting to not encounter much representation - but why did the reviewer think the straight-edge virgin was a character that people needed to be warned against? Most of the bisexual characters I've read have been portrayed as stereotypically promiscuous, their interest in multiple genders implying that they need to sleep with everyone, so while it was relieving to have a less overtly sexual portrayal, I don't understand how Bo could have been viewed as inappropriate.
In fact, I think Kody handled Bo's bisexuality beautifully. Her and Agnes have a conversation in which she reassures her that she's not attracted to her, and Agnes accepts that without question. A straight woman isn't attracted to every man she meets, so why should a bisexual be attracted to every person they meet? I particularly loved Agnes and Bo's conversation regarding her bisexuality, in which Agnes quips  

"You kissing a girl might be a sin, but me sleeping with a boy I'm not married to? That's definitely a sin.".

Despite Agnes attending Sunday school every week, she's open-minded, and that shows that not all religious folks are inherently homophobic. It's okay to believe, but you need to forge personal opinions too.
This is an #ownvoices novel, as Kody herself is legally blind. It makes Agnes's arguments with her parents all the more heart-wrenching, because the battle for freedom and autonomy is one that Kody herself will have warred over the years. Whereas before I've read novels where the blind character was portrayed as a weak, helpless sheep, Agnes is strong and can overcome adversity. It's an empowering representation, and I'm sure it's going to help many blind teenagers.
The back and forth nature of the narrative made it an extremely quick read. I couldn't put this book down! I just had to know what happened to Bo and Agnes when they were on the run, but I also enjoyed the way their relationship developed in the throwback chapters. It was a very realistic friendship, and I found myself rooting for the two of them, particularly because Agnes's parents weren't convinced that their friendship was a good idea at the beginning. You shouldn't judge someone based on their reputation; often rumours are completely unfounded, and people just don't have the energy to argue.
I wasn't happy with the ending, but that's my own problem: I always want fairy tale endings for the characters I care this much about, but that's not the way that life works!

This is a wonderful contemporary roadtrip, even though the two characters are on the run and don't have much time for sightseeing! If you like novels that focus on friendship rather than romance, you'll love this one, particularly if you enjoy bittersweet, realistic endings. 

I haven't read any of Kody's other novels, but I'm definitely going to change that. Her writing is simple but enjoyable, and it's been a long time since I've fallen in love with characters this quickly.  It's not quite a five star - I would have wanted Bo's sexuality to become more relevant for that - but it was pretty damn close. I sincerely hope there's a sequel, because the ending is left open and there's still a lot of potential with this duo: I can dream!