'Minions'

Recently, I've been slacking with film reviews. Either the films I've been seeing have been good enough to not need reviewing, or have been average enough that I have nothing to say. That is not the case with 'Minions'.

It's appropriate that the main villain in this story is called Scarlet Overkill, because overkill is the crime that 'Minions' is committing. Boasting of telling the back story behind the "cute" little yellow creatures from the 'Despicable Me' franchise, this film is quite obviously a case of cashing in while there is still a chance, and an audience dumb enough to pay to watch it.

Oh, and stupid enough we were. A whole group of eight of us, paying £9.80 each (when did the cinema become such a rip-off?!) to sit through 91 whole minutes of this unbearable rubbish. 

If you've seen the trailers for 'Minions', you've already watched the whole first section of the film, which just repeated what happened there in excruciating detail - but surprisingly this montage section of the film is definitely the best part. 

After the minions find themselves without a master they become depressed, nearly dying from their despair, but then Kevin - our stretchy necked hero - steps in, and decides to save their lives (more's to the pity). Travelling all the way to America, our three companions (the other two being Bob on the left and Stuart on the right) discover the international Villain Con, where they decide to go to find a new person to mindlessly follow.

Enter Scarlet Overkill. With the most ridiculous nose I've ever seen on an animated character, and an over-the-top, grate on the nerves personality to match, her introduction just shoved the film even further into the slush pile. It might (MIGHT) have been okay, if she'd been a strong independent woman and there could have been some moral about how women could aspire to rule the world, but with the introduction of her husband, Herb, she turned into a melted pile of slush that had me rolling my eyes and bashing my head repeatedly against the back of the cinema chair. 

It must get better, surely? There must be some redeeming qualities? 

That would be a humongous nope. If you've ever read one of my reviews before, you'll know that I try to see some positives in everything that I review, but when a film is as bad as this one it's completely impossible. The stereotypes were inserted in a throwaway, haphazard manner that made no sense (and were obviously there to appeal to the adults rather than the children, so why even bother?) - moments such as a French man seeming rather interested by boobs (which were actually another minion's eyes) and the police chasing after the minions while drinking tea (ooh, British stereotype, so hilarious). The only thing that made me actually laugh out loud was the scene with the queen's corgis, in which they're being rode to play croquet; I love dogs, so that was always going to be a winner for me. 

If you're a fan of 'Despicable Me', don't assume that fact will make you like 'Minions'; I really enjoyed the first film, but this was such a disastrous pile of drivel. I've never been more disappointed with an animated film.

It's been nearly twenty four hours, and I still just feel so confused. Why did they keep endlessly singing? I can't remember that ever being a thing in 'Despicable Me' (and if it was, it wasn't employed so irritatingly). Why did they keep screaming "kumbaya"?

And how did anyone allow this film to get created?

If I Stay

*This review will contain spoilers!*

This is not a review of the brilliantly beautiful book by Gayle Forman, this is a review of the film adaptation of said novel. If you haven't read the book, please don't watch the film until you have! The book is absolutely amazing and while the film is extremely true to the novel I just think it's so much more affecting if you read it instead of watching it. (This might just be me, but I cried three times during the book and nearly once during the film so I do find the novel much more emotional.)

'If I Stay' tells us the story of Mia Hall (played by Chloe Grace Moretz) whose family get into a car accident on a snowy road while travelling to visit family. Mia has an out-of-body experience, watching herself lying comatose in a hospital bed and hearing pleas from family and friends for her to come back to them, but the entire film revolves around the question of 'If your life was going to be irreparably changed and you had the choice to get away from it, could you stay?'. She has her grandparents, her best friend Kim and her boyfriend Adam to go back to, but are they worth it?

I'm gonna admit I'm finding it hard to review this play, because I found the book practically faultless and it was SO LOYAL TO THE BOOK IT WAS UNREAL. Well, Adam's band name was changed from Shooting Star to Williamette Stone (which sounds way more rock 'n' roll) and there's less gore at the car crash and less swearing at the end of the book than I'd expected, but they were all good changes to allow for the ratings and to help the film appeal to a larger audience. But the attention to detail was spectacular; the 'I <3 Yo Yo Ma' stickers in Mia's locker, the Debbie Harry costume she wears to the Halloween concert, even down to what I'd imagined Adam's songs to sound like. It was just felt so flawless. A book adaptation done right.

I did read the book about a year ago (I didn't have time to re-read it before the film as I'd intended because I didn't realise I was going to see it today until late last night) so I can't remember if absolutely everything was included or if the flashbacks were in the same places, but the film was so absorbing I didn't find myself thinking about the book that much at all. The casting is perfect, the costume design encompasses the characters personalities amazingly and the soundtrack is one of the most ear-pleasing things I've ever experienced (and they need to release it as a physical copy and they need to release it NOW).

I'm sure that if 'If I Stay' didn't matter so much to me as a book I would not be singing the praises of the movie so highly, because there were some issues. One minute there are no visitors allowed in the Intensive Care Unit to visit Mia, the next minute there are montage shots of lots of people loitering around in her room and even though that was explained in the book it wasn't in the film so it could have been confusing for some watchers. Similarly, a major part of Adam's speech to Mia at the conclusion of the novel was missing; when he says "If you do need me to go away, I'll do that too [...] maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us" in the novel it perfectly demonstrates how much Adam loves Mia, but that's missing from the film (probably to perpetuate the myth that teenage relationships that start in films will always last forever and cannot possibly be ended due to grief and difficulty coping with the loss of ones entire family). 

But, despite these issues, it just seems like such a triumph for a young adult film adaptation to feel so true to the novel. Yes, 'Divergent' did a good job and 'The Fault In Our Stars' had all the right bits in the right places, but there were things in both that just didn't seem right to me (possibly the casting of Shailene Woodley... I just don't think that was the right casting choice for either film, but that can be discussed another time). I was extremely worried about 'If I Stay', but I shouldn't have been worried at all. The trailer made me cry, so I was expecting it to make me a lot more emotional than it did, but I'm almost glad that it didn't because it would have detracted from the impact that the book has upon me every time I read it. I'm going to be reading the sequel, 'Where She Went', soon, so it will be good to see how the characters of Adam and Mia develop over the time period and see if it's worth following their story even further because I'm almost more nervous about the follow-up than I was about the movie. 

Guardians of the Galaxy

*This review will contain spoilers!*

I have a short attention span. I get bored and fidgety extremely easily. Because of this, watching films feels like running a marathon; tiring, irritating and I wish it would just end already. This means that I've had to install system when it comes to rating films and that is a running tally of how many times I think 'I am bored' or 'Please finish now' in the time period. 

For once, this tally ended on zero. 

I am extremely critical when it comes to films, particularly superhero films, but 'Guardians of the Galaxy' has something special that I can't quite put my finger on. Is it Chris Pratt, being equal parts hunky action hero and lovably awkward geek? Is it that the only piece of footage set on Earth occurs even before the iconic Marvel logo scrolls across the screen? Or is it the superhero duo of Rocket and Groot, the talking hybrid raccoon and the sentient tree-being who can only utter the same three words, "I am Groot"? I honestly don't know, but there is a spark in this film that means I'm already eager to see it again and my first showing only concluded just over three hours ago.

For a girl who pretty much despises films, this is mind-blowing. 

If you've been hiding under a rock for the last few months and have completely missed the hype surrounding this film, I'll give you a little bit of a back story. 'Guardians' follows the story of Peter Quill, a human who is abducted from Earth following the death of his mother, but this isn't a tale of a lost child attempting to get back home as the majority of the film is set twenty-six years later. Peter thrives in his new environment, stealing and dealing to gain money, but it's during the interrupted theft of an orb that all hell breaks loose. Thus causes the formation of the Guardians of the Galaxy (hence the film title) also containing Groot, Rocket, Gamora and Drax, who meet under extremely strenuous situations but form bonds that are both heart-warming and humorous.

I will admit there were times when my attention strayed, but that isn't a negative impression on the film, I'm just not that impressed by fight scenes (no matter how excellently executed they are) and the majority of the film is comprised of fighting, so this was the only issue I faced. Despite this my enjoyment of 'Guardians' was in no way lessened, because the hilarious dialogue combined with the easy to love characters made this a film that I will be recommending for years to come. 

Even better, it's appropriate for all audiences - yes, there is a fair amount of violence and some swearing (if you count a middle fingers and a "What the fu-" as swearing) but this film would still appeal so brilliantly to a younger audience as well as the intended, slightly older one. Kids will absolutely love Rocket and Groot (possibly even more than I do!) meaning that even if there is some slightly morally ambiguous content, as long as parents make sure to talk about it with their children afterwards, it will be perfect for a trip out for the whole family.  

There's one thing for sure; I'm going to be first in line when the sequel arrives. Even though that is three years away. In my opinion, most superhero flicks do not need a sequel. 'Thor 2: The Dark World' struggled and floundered when compared to the supremacy of the first film, 'The Amazing Spider-man 2' struggling with the same issues. But with the enigmatic commentary about Peter's father, coupled with the regrowth of Groot and the intrigue about who made Rocket, there are plenty of questions to be answered and a lot of different aspects that can be expanded upon. Three years away it might be, but I'm bloody excited.